a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We are all done wearing pants today
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
