haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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