Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
