Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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