3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
