My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
