HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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