You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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