really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
