I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
