Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize