remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
