My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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