i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
