Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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