I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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