38 yer olds are good kisserssss
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
