I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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