Already got asked if we're dating
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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