She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
