I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize