we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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