Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
