we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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