But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
As shirtless as possible
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
