all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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