So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
