Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
