it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
