i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
