Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
