Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He passed out mid-signature
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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