I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I am spending my child support on dildos
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
