I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
