I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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