it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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