Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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