Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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