She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
