Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
