i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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