If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
