just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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