Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
