this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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