I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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