He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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