At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Never joke about your clitoris.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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