Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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