Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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