I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
