Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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