We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize