btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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