I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
