Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
