Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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