My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
