I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
