bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
