the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
