No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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