im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
