I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
