:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Welp...herpes.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Blow job season was short but glorious.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
