If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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