We're like a lot better than the average bears
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
now i know why i became what i already was.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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