I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
