i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
