theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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