Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
we're so committed to being not committed
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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