My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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