this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
